People who are diagnosed with schizophrenia often struggle with prescribed medications. Some patients stop taking their medications because they are simply forgetful, while others discontinue it for more complex reasons. Initially, I refused to take medication because I did not think I was ill. I thought that I was strong and could control myself without medication.

When I finally did consent to taking an antipsychotic, I was prescribed one that works wonders for many people, Risperdal. Unfortunately, for me, this same medication had severe side effects.

The worst side effect I experienced was anhedonia, which is the inability to experience pleasure. The medication altered the chemicals in my brain that enable me to enjoy life. I could see and hear, but I felt no pleasure when seeing and hearing. My arms and legs became stiff and heavy like lead, I gained ten pounds (there are reports of patients quickly gaining fifty to a hundred pounds on this type of medication) and I was always restless. Each night I slept for 16-18 hours but never woke up feeling rested.

When people with schizophrenia fail to take their prescribed medications, others around them often feel frustrated. It’s easy for people who are not suffering from mental illness to look at the situation and think, why not take medication so you can get better? For me, the side effects of the medication caused so much suffering that my former life on the streets appeared to be a better quality of life. When I started taking medication, I was living in a comfortable home, but it was hard to get through each day, and I never adjusted to the medication. While the medication gave me relief from most hallucinations, the voices still broke through every day.

Today, I am fully recovered from mental illness on the medication Clozaril. This medication is underutilized in psychiatry. I want patients and their families to understand that it may take several attempts before patients find a medication that allows them to recover and live a good life. It was a year-long search for me until I found an effective medication, but it turned out to be well worth it. To put it simply, I got my life back. Thanks to Clozaril and support from family and friends, I’ve graduated from college, and I live an active and happy life.

Before I began taking medication, I was in a dangerous place. I was living as a homeless person, and I had no dreams or goals beyond basic survival. I slept outside and my only daily task involved finding enough food to eat. Because of my broken mind, I couldn’t concentrate on basic tasks. Even a rudimentary job was beyond what I could handle. When I reflect now on the course of events, I realize that prior to taking medication, my hallucinations were continually becoming more severe. I needed medication badly, but not one with intolerable side effects.

It is extremely important for doctors to be honest with patients about the potential side effects of antipsychotic medications. I wish my doctor had told me about the risks on the day I began taking medication. It would have been helpful if he invited me to contact him if I experienced certain side effects. Instead, I had no idea what to expect. When the side effects appeared, I felt like I couldn’t trust him, and questioned whether recovery was possible.

Since I found an antipsychotic that works for me and I take it every day, I’ve experienced eight years of full remission. Today, in 2016, new psychiatric treatments and medications are continually becoming available. Psychiatric patients should never stop searching for an effective treatment plan until they have achieved recovery. It can be a painful process but it’s so worth getting through. With proper treatment, many patients can achieve recovery and live a full and rewarding life.